We all experience stress in our daily lives, although the causes and the way we respond to them will be different for everybody. Stress can either relate to physical, mental or emotional pressures, but all three trigger the same ancient response called 'fight or flight'. This response is linked to the body's nervous system and is there to protect us in life-threatening situations. Our prehistoric ancestors, living in a cruel and harsh environment, needed to be able to protect their young, fight for food or escape from the threat presented by other hostile people or animals. The moment they were presented with actual physical danger, an alarm system in the brain activated the systems required to produce energy and gear up the body for high levels of physical activity. The energy enabled them to fight or flee from the threat. The body returned to a state of relaxation, afterwards.
This response is still wholly appropriate whenever an actual threat to life exists. However, nowadays our fears are more likely to spring from memories, imagination, conscience and moral belief rather than from the outside world. Nevertheless, the body still interprets these fears as threats requiring fight or flight. A whole battery of physical reactions then occurs when it's not needed, which will create uncomfortable and unpleasant feelings, as well as wasting large amounts of energy.
In our modern day lives, this may happen again and again, as we battle with commuter travel, supermarket queues or difficult social situations. The way we react to these eventually becomes a habit that, repeated again and again, becomes draining and exhausting. Furthermore, if we react to stressful situations with angry outbursts, we quadruple the exhaustion process. Many people know about the tiredness associated with stress.
What's wrong with the way I relax now?
We all look for ways to counter 'fight or flight' on a regular basis. Without necessarily being aware of it, we try to escape from the unpleasant feelings of stress and find some relaxation by going to the pub or to the gym session, or flaking out in front of the TV. Drinking, smoking or taking other drugs can also seem to offer an answer - but they are either toxic or damaging, and often act as stimulants rather than relaxants. People become increasingly immune to their effects, and require more and more of them to get the same effect.
A better approach is to consider change. We can successfully find relief from stress through a change of activity. People who have tough, physical jobs often find relaxation in developing a mentally stimulating hobby. Those who have a mentally taxing job will often take up hobbies such as walking or swimming.
But, if hobbies or extra-curricular activities, including exercise, become excessive, and make people feel even more driven or pressurised, they then cease to be a means of relaxation. If someone is already exhausted and tired out in daily life, trying to relax by doing even more is not the answer. The fact is that people often confuse relaxation with recreation.
How does relaxation differ from recreation?
Relaxation is about using only as much energy as you need to complete any task - whether physical, mental or emotional - and then recovering as quickly as possible afterwards. People meet the challenges and pressures of life on a daily basis, but seldom think about how they're doing it.
The first task is to become more relaxed in daily life and not to waste energy on things that don't require it. The second is to learn to use deep relaxation in the way you would use a full stop in punctuation, allowing you to pause.
The key here is achieving balance. For people who are rushing to keep up at work or at home, what's needed is time to slow down and let the body recover. Those who are stressed, because they don't have enough to occupy or stimulate them, may need to increase their activity level to bring about a balance. Anyone overburdened with demands that cause them a lot of hassle, without bringing any reward, should think about a shift in personal priorities.
I feel too tense to relax. What can I do?
Slowing down
Stress often builds up during the course of the day, which is why people who are anxious feel worse at night. Often, this results in a disturbed night's sleep, leading to higher levels of anxiety the next morning. By deliberately pausing for a moment, every now and then, during the course of the day, it's possible to stop the feelings rising. The end result of this should be a better night's sleep, because the part of the nervous system that controls the 'braking' or slowing down of the body is helped by relaxation.Note, you can't slow down immediately if you have been rushing around. When people have been hectic and doing too much, it takes time for the effects of stress to wear off and for them to start feeling more relaxed. Don't expect too much too quickly.
Adrenalin addiction
If you are used to a hectic lifestyle, relaxing can feel alien. You can be addicted to the effects of adrenalin (a hormone involved in 'fight or flight') and have problems giving this up. The difficulty is that the body can't remain fully alert all the time. Eventually, you will become exhausted or may suffer physical ill health that forces you to review your stress levels. Feeling stressed isn't pleasant, and, in time, you will discover that the feelings associated with relaxation are pleasurable.
How can I introduce more relaxation into my everyday life?
The first thing is to avoid putting more pressure on yourself in the attempt to relax. It's an apparent contradiction that the harder you try to get to sleep, the more difficult it becomes, and relaxing is just the same.
Pausing
It's a good idea to start by introducing brief pauses during the day; for example, while waiting for the kettle to boil, after putting the telephone down, at traffic lights or waiting for a bus or train. These moments are opportunities to slow down and relax your mind. Small coloured stickers are a great help as a reminder to change old habits. Place these in areas to remind you to pause - on your computer, telephone or even on the back of the toilet door! Don't worry too much about pausing, but try to do it as many times as you remember during the day.
Everyday relaxation
- When pausing, just stop, let your shoulders drop, gently sigh your breath out through your mouth, and pause momentarily.
- When you put the telephone down or come off a computer, drop your hands by your side and gently stretch your fingers and thumbs out. Stop making the effort and gently do a 'swimmer's shake'. If you feel sensations of heaviness, warmth, tingling or indeed lightness, these are all associated with relaxation and mean that you are getting a result.
- Whenever you are out and about, just learn to slow down by a tiny amount. Rushing about, frantically, may achieve little in the long term, except exhaustion. Think your activities through, don't let them just become a haphazard set of events.
- Notice pleasurable things around you, however small.
- Allow yourself moments of distraction. Gaze out of the window, and enjoy the view.
- Strike a balance between activity, rest and play - it's essential for healthy relaxation.
- Smiling and laughing produce endorphins that, again, will help you feel more relaxed.
- Remember, life should never be such hard work that you lose sight of lighter moments.
As a rule, the trick to relaxation is to continue trying, but not to worry about the outcome. If you find things are not happening, then let go and move on. The best time to learn any relaxation skill is probably going to be when you are feeling less stressed, not in the middle of a crisis.
How can I take relaxation further?
Once you've introduced small pauses into your life, and the concept is more familiar, you can build in longer and deeper relaxations. Until you understand what the feelings associated with relaxation are, it's difficult to know what to expect. Like any skill, deep relaxation is best learned from an experienced relaxation teacher (see 'Useful Organisations', or failing this, a good-quality relaxation CD. It's important to recognise that learning how to do it takes practice and commitment.
There are three parts to relaxation: preparation, relaxation method, and recovery. If you leave any of these out, your relaxation is unlikely to achieve maximum benefit:
- Preparation means investing in time for relaxation, and then choosing a suitable position (see below for some examples) and making sure you are warm and comfortable.
- Good-quality relaxation methods should follow a logical sequence, with good reason. It's therefore likely to be more effective if you stick to the suggested order.
- Recovery is covered in detail below
What's so important about relaxation positions?
The body consists of 640 involuntary muscles that hold us together and pull us around on a daily basis. Whenever we need to move, muscles contract and pull against the bones to which they are attached. Muscles work in pairs, and work in opposing directions. As one muscle contracts, pulling against a joint in one direction, the opposing muscle has to stretch to allow that movement to occur. In between the state of contraction and stretching there is what is known as the 'position of ease', for example, when your arm is hanging loosely by your side. It is this position that we use for effective, deeper relaxation. The positions shown below are designed with this in mind. Your muscles cannot relax if they are in a taut or contracted position. You can always test for a relaxed muscle by gently squeezing it with your hand. A relaxed muscle feels soft, whereas a contracted muscle is firmer.
Effective positions for relaxation
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